Reflection of Ministry

From spring semester of junior year at PLNU, I reflected on my ministry, particularly with Younglife:

This semester as an intern for Younglife has been a continued lesson of being humbled. God has been showing me how little I actually know, but in the midst of that how I can still be used in this state just simply by being present. Through various classes this semester, books I’ve read, and the events life has thrown at me, I have learned an incredible amount about what it means to have an enduring resilience when it feels like the whole world wants me to fail.

My views of what ministry is have changed somewhat dramatically over the course of just a few months. My previous ideas of ministry have grown and have been added on to, while I have also gained new perspectives. Before, ministry to me was an organization; while this can be true, it is not limited to that. I have learned how I can apply myself in the most impactful way to an organized ministry, and I have also learned the beauty of being a “walking” ministry.

Being part of Younglife has given me a deeper sense of the endurance needed in ministry. There is a serious delay of gratification that comes along with it, especially when you are just starting out. Even though I grew up in Younglife, coming back as a leader and trying to hang out with big crowds of high schooler’s was very intimidating for me. It took longer than I wanted for me to start feeling comfortable and for me to form the relationships that I wanted with the high school students. I have learned that sometimes, feeling uncomfortable, tired, and annoying doesn’t mean that I’m in the wrong place or doing the wrong thing, but is actually part of the job description. I have learned that more times than not, I don’t feel like going or being involved, and could come up with one hundred excuses not to; but I have also learned that there isn’t a single time I have regretted my decision to go anyways. Through my participation in Younglife I have created a community with high schoolers as well as fellow leaders, and with community, comes passion.

 Community has always been my passion, but being a part of Younglife has helped me to define the details of what that looks like. A rich community is the result of intentionality. There is something to be said for pursuing each relationship and making it a point to create an environment where everyone feels welcome, wanted, and like they can be themselves. Younglife has shown me the importance of this intentionality and the hard work it takes. For example, texting high school girls every day, or meeting them before school—these are not my first choice activities to do, but without them the relationship between me and them would not exist. There is also a certain sense of accountability that is applied when you start to be more intentional. I have found how I am an example and a leader in every facet of life, and not just from one aspect of it. This is where living incarnationally really comes into play. I want my whole life to be an example of how to live a Christ centered life, not just bits and pieces of it. The people I’m leading shouldn’t have to rely on me to have the right words; to the best of my ability as a flawed human, I should be a walking example

I have learned how my gifting’s of hospitality, encouragement and helps all work together to brew up my passion for community. Knowing my own gifts, passions and strengths better has helped me to see ministry outside the organization. There is something so much bigger going on than just doing a nice thing for someone else, or “paying it forward”. When I am doing something that is JUST for someone else, I see myself get warn down after a short time. But I have learned to change my perspective; I am not in a ministry of doing nice things for other people, but rather a ministry of serving Jesus, Lord of all. There are times when I am doing something nice for someone else, but instead of having a loving heart about it, I catch myself holding a grudge inside, as if I am keeping tabs in a sense of all the good things that I do compared to others. This is the point at which doing nice things becomes draining. However, I have been learning to change that entire mindset. For example, I do not do my roommates dishes because she deserves for me to be doing them, but because it is a way in which I can be serving God. That is the point of which doing dishes goes from a seemingly big hassle, to instead the very simplest way I can glorify God. My perspective changed drastically when I compared doing dishes for someone else as a nice act, and Jesus innocently dying of the cross for me as His nice act. This comparison can almost be laughed at it is so absurd! This new perspective has enriched so many of my relationships and has even helped me to become a much more joyful person.

Throughout this semester my relationships have been a key factor in helping me to get though some particularly hard times. It has been interesting and humbling for me to see the two very different sides of relationships. On one hand, I have been very broken, and in low places where I have needed people to come and see me at my lowest in order to help me get back up. On the other hand, I have become a leader to girls who look up to me. The people that I surround myself on a daily basis have an incredible influence on me, and I am so blessed to have women of faith who can encourage me in my life.

Throughout this internship, I have come to learn that you can expect almost nothing in terms of what the journey of ministry will look like. We may have ideas, and thoughts, and goals for places we want to go, and more often than not God will step up and redirect our plans, reminding us that our view of where we are going is almost blind compared to what God can see as the bigger picture. God is outside of time and is really good at looking past what we can get stuck in seeing. In reading Henri Nouwen’s books, I have learned how our ministry really isn’t an act. Sometimes we can see ourselves as up on a tight rope, performing an act for everyone and expected to be applauded and praised when we get to the other side without falling. Get down. This isn’t about you. Why should I be expecting so much praise for myself? What I am but a mere instrument in God’s glorious master plan?! I have experienced so much grace from the people who surround me in ministry. Learning that I am going to fail sometimes, but that doesn’t make me a complete disappointment. There have been many times when I haven’t been able live up to my own expectations, and in turn I become very hard on myself, but I have been so blessed to be surrounded my people who remind me that it’s OKAY, and that I am still doing a good job simply because of how much I love. This has been vital, as sometimes I feel so inadequate that I want to quit, but the encouragement from those around me reminds me of the grace I receive every day. We are all “inadequate” in some way, but God still chooses to give us jobs that He trusts us with. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by the people I am in ministry with, and how my relationship with those people has grown exponentially since joining Younglife.

As I look back in reflection over this past semester and the ministry I have been involved in, it is very apparent to me how much growth occurred. I feel like I have gotten to know myself so much better, and along with that I have been able to apply myself places where I can be most impactful. I am able to feel so much more joy than I feel like I ever have before; I have also gained a new perspective on ministry, community, relationships, myself, and life in general. While I would never choose to go through the journey I have been on this past semester again, I am so, so grateful that I have experienced what I have. The future in ministry is one I can honestly picture myself in, and is one that I feel I am being prepared for every day. I feel better equipped than I ever have, and that makes me excited for the future, but I also know that I have so much to learn. I want to continue to learn, but not let the knowledge of what I learn get in the way of the relationships that develop out of a real open heart passion.

It's a Younglife Thing

            After car-washes, rummage sales, flocking, and hounding everyone I knew for financial support, we finally made it to Younglife camp. I learned so much, and had the most amazing time building relationships with the high schoolers and fellow leaders. I would love to share some of my experience...

This year we went to Lost Canyon Younglife camp which is located in the high elevation of Williams, Arizona. After a 7 hour bus ride, we emerged from the trees and into an oasis which made the kids eyes go wide! We were greeted by music, summer staff cruising down the zip-line into the huge lake, people flying off the blob high into the air before splashing in the water, and two grown men dressed up like they were cowboys from the wild west. From the moment we stepped off the bus, we knew we were in for the week of a lifetime.

The list of our activities is a long one; there is rarely a still moment at camp, but none of us would have it any other way! On a regular basis there was the option to go on the zip line, launch off the blob, go down two different water slides, go on a 100 foot swing, rock climb, play Frisbee golf and other field games including soccer and football, play basketball (on the inside or outdoor court), cool off with an ice cream treat, create jewelry from what seemed like an endless supply of beads, and that’s just to name a few! We also had assigned days to go horseback riding, mountain biking, and make our way through a ropes course 70 feet in the air. The activities provided endless fun, as well has valuable life lessons as the girls accomplished things they never thought they could.

My cabin had 5 high school girls in it. The typical schedule for Younglife camp includes a camp speaker followed by what’s called “cabin-time”, or just a time to all get on the same level in your cabin, eat yummy snacks, and talk about what the speaker had just gone over. Usually, the first night is pretty surface level, progressively getting deeper and more vulnerable as the week goes on. However, in the case of our cabin, the girls opened up right off the bat on the first night, proving just how bad they needed someone to listen.

I have had a lot of experience with Younglife as I have grown up with it in Wilsonville…but let me tell you, leading in San Diego is a whole different ballpark than leading in the small suburb I was in.  I was in awe as I sat and listened to how much each of these girls had gone through already in their lives. It brought me to tears listening to the hurt and pain that they had endured in their lives at only 16. Not one of them came from a family in which their parents were still married; one girl met her dad for the first time earlier in the year, and broke down talking about how poorly her time with him had gone and how unloved she felt. One girl didn’t have a home to go back to as they had just been evicted right before she left for camp. One girl wept as she described the horrible rumors that were flying around the school directed at her. One girl talked about how she felt more at home when she went to school than when she went to her house (and considering their school, that’s saying a lot). One girl confessed to having an abortion. I could go on and on about the painful confessions but needless to say, these girls needed this week away from home and all their pain and had definitely come to the right place.

As the week went on, we (me and the other leaders) continued to develop close relationships with these girls. The truth and the love of God were starting to penetrate into their hearts. The further into the week we got, the more questions they would ask. There was a longing desperately crying out from a void in their heart they had been living with this whole time. They were so curious about the bible and about Jesus and all the stories—it was amazing to watch their curiosity! There was one night when two of the girls stayed up until 4am reading the bible in the bathroom. They woke up excited the next morning to tell us about Abraham and what he did in the Old Testament. Their longing for the Lord was apparent, and by the end of the week, they were excited and eager to accept Christ into their hearts and start living a life for Him.

On the night of the last cabin time, we snuck off into the darkness of camp to a secluded area, the stars brighter than any of these city kids had ever seen. We sat in a circle and after repeating the words I provided them with, 4 of the 5 girls accepted Christ into their hearts to rule their lives. They confessed their sins and acknowledged that they believed He died and rose again three days later. After they each had their turn saying the pray themselves, I explained how all the multitudes of angels were having a party in their honor, welcoming them into the family! We all sat there and wept, overcome with the love that we felt surrounded by. It was by far, one of the most beautiful and powerful moments I have ever experienced.

The one girl that chose to wait a little longer to accept Christ into her life has a very large seed planted in her. She was given a bible, the first she ever owned, and has since been digging through it. We have been reading through Matthew together, and it is amazing being able to answer some questions for her.

I have been so humbled. Sometimes being called a “leader” gives off the impression that we will be doing the teaching. But over and over again I have found that I learn way more from the girls I lead than I ever expected. I went into camp with a lot of insecurities, and left feeling strong and empowered. I have been so blessed by this incredible opportunity that I had the honor of being a part of. How amazing and how BIG is our God, eh?!

             

Psalm 95:2—Let us come into His presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to Him with songs of praise.

Humbled by Obedience

I have been a christian my whole life. I have prayed. I have read the bible. I have been in fellowship. I have gone to church. But I've never felt the Holy Spirit in me as much as I did last week. It woke me up, it gave me a clear image and told me to pray. It told me to be obedient. It commanded it! The following letter is a result of this. It was written to a man named Bob Goff. This man does incredible work for the kingdom. 

A little bit of background on Bob:

Bob is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of Restore International, a non-profit organization which was established to address the atrocities and injustices committed against children. With a passion and vision for finding audacious ways to restore justice to children and the poorest of the poor, Restore’s mission is to make a difference on behalf of those who do not otherwise have a voice.
With a team of dedicated people, Restore International has pursued justice for the needy. They have worked with Uganda’s judiciary in bringing to trial over 200 cases, including cases involving children who were languishing in jail without trial. In 2007, the Restore Academy was started.  It is a school in the war-torn region of Gulu, with a current enrollment of 220 students. (Bio taken from http://bobgoff.com/?page_id=2)
Recently, he has been helping to prosecute the witch doctor that attacked a little boy named Randolph. Randolph is an 8 year old Ugandan boy who recently had his genitalia cut off by a local witch doctor and was left to die in a field. What Bob and the judge who prosecuted the witch doctor are doing is making sure word is out that if they do anything of the sort again they will go to prison for life or get the death penalty.

Now, listen to this work of the Holy Spirit.

Good morning!
This is a little bit of a strange message. I don't think I've ever actually met you in person, but I know who you are, and some of the things you do over in Uganda with the youth. Something kind of strange happened to me this morning.

About an hour ago I just woke up. (Keep in mind, this NEVER happens to me. I don't "just wake up". I'm the girl who has to set about 6 alarms on my phone and have my roommate shake me just so I don't sleep through my classes. But even beyond that I was up late last night studying for a wold civ exam that I have today--needless to say, it was strange). I was laying in my bed and I just really felt God telling me to pray. Pray hard. Pray specifically for a young man who is in Uganda who you have been helping.There was a heavy burden that was put on my heart for this young man. As I was praying, I also really felt him saying "Kelsey, open my word". So, I started reading my bible. There were a few verses that particularly stuck out to me.

Psalm 18. Even those that love God, who call him Rock, and Fortress and Deliverer go through strong periods of struggle. It talks about the cords of death entangling, and death being right in front. God gets mad, but he then reaches down from on high and takes hold. He rescues from the powerful enemy!

I didn't really want to tell you this because I don't know you and was scared of the possibility that you had no idea what I was talking about and I would just look like a fool. But the next thing I read was this:

Proverbs 15:23 "a man finds joy in giving an apt reply--and how good is a timely word!"

SO...I don't even really know how to conclude. I guess just know and be blessed that there is an army behind you. People who you don't even know who are praying for you and for everyone you encounter and help. And as for the young man in Uganda, if anyone specifically come to mind, it would be cool to know who I am praying for. If not, I will just continue to pray for those who feel like they are cinched in Hell's ropes, with a noose tight around there neck, the devil's water washing over them. Pray that they would know Jesus can save them. That He will catch them and save them and put their life back together because He loves them so, so much.

Thanks fro your time,
have a wonderfully blessed day!

In His name,
Kelsey Starr

Hello Kelsey,
Thanks for your note. It'll blow your mind if I tell you what I will, but here goes. You wrote your note and I got it after meeting with the witchdoctor I got a life sentence against at trial who is now in the maximum security prison here in Uganda. It's a pretty scary place and I wondered what this guy would say to the guy who put him away for life for taking the body parts of the little boy.
Something amazing happened though Kelsey. I went there to tell him that God forgives him and still wants him to be part of His family. Kelsey, this witchdoctor who is serving a life sentence now has a new life, as He asked Jesus to forgiven Him and to start over....
Thanks for the prayers, friend. In the morning, meeting with 30 other witchdoctors to pick a fight, then leaving with the little boy tomorrow night.
Bob

How glorious is our God that he would bless me by showing me the powerful affects of prayer, and being obedient! I have learned something so valuable in my heart. I have been humbled and have seen the work that our mighty God can do even through someone as simple as me. Let this be an inspiration. To be obedient, even when you think you may look like a fool. God is much bigger than the fools. Let Him work through you. Will you let Him do that?

God's Time.

Bolts

Life is so fragile.

Full or Empty?

            Working at Yosemite Sierra Summer Camp has been teaching me an innumerable amount of life lessons! The most recent of these lessons has been learning what it really means to serve: to serve each other, to serve the children that come, to serve yourself, and most importantly, how to serve God. One of the biggest things I'm finding out is how they are all connected. Serving the children that come is what you may think is the main job description when you hear about working at a summer camp, but it's so much more than that! All the other staff members and myself are constantly emptying ourselves out for them. We are serving God by serving these kids, trying our best to be an example of Jesus to them. But we are all learning that as much as we would love to keep pouring out love on them, we can't do that if we are empty. God has been continuously teaching me that I can't do this ministry on my own power, my own energy and my own love; it's not sufficient, it has to be coming from him. We as staff have to put our "oxygen masks" on first.

What does it mean to serve yourself? What is your oxygen mask? How do you get from empty, to full?


Take.
The.
Time.

Listen to the things God is trying to teach you. Soak it in. What is he saying?

            After coming to my end, after breaking, after running on empty until I about crash, I finally took the time to let God take over. He had some things to remind me, to whisper to me. He reminded me by showing me a series of different verses that I will share with you.

Awake, O sleeper, and rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you. --Eph. 5:14

Kelsey! Do you realize that in order to shine, you have to let ME do it?? 

Let ME fill you up. Let me in. Give me the time, the space, and trust that I can do it. 

"Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ...restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself too, lest you be tempted."--Galatians 6:2

THIS is the power of Christ in me. 

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart....If the Lord delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand."--Psalm 37

Kelsey, it is OKAY to mess up sometimes. You don't always have to say perfect things, just love me. They will see that you love me! 

"Come to me, all who labor, and are heavy laden, and I will give you REST. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."--Matthew 11:28-30

You don't have to do this alone Kelsey. I'm right here, and I want to help you!

"Don't be afraid, I've redeemed you. I've called your name. You're mine. When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you. When you're in rough waters, you will not go down. When you're between a rock and a hard place, it won't be a dead end--because I am God, your personal God. The Holy of Israel, your Savior. I paid a huge price for you: all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in! That's how much you mean to me! That's how much I love you! I'd sell off the whole world to get you back, trade creation just for you. So don't be afraid: I'm with you."--Isaiah 43:1-5

I'm on your side. I always have been. 

Trust that when you're going through a hard time, you can lean on me. Give it to me! 

"So if you find life difficult because you're doing what God said, take it in stride. Trust him. He knows what he's doing, and he'll keep on doing it." --1 Peter 4:19

When you're doing what I tell you to do, it's definitely not always going to be easy...but trust me! 

Trust that I won't ever give you more than you can handle. 

Trust that you're doing the right things. Trust that I know what I'm doing. 

I'm bigger than all your problems, than all your fears. 

"In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."--1 Peter 1:6.

You're doing this for me, Kelsey. Be an example of me...even in the trials. 

You can do this. I know you can. 

"Gods thoughts are not our thoughts. The way that he works surpasses us all."--Isaiah 55:8,9

I am way bigger than you could ever imagine.

I work in ways that you don't understand. 

            God filled me up when I gave him the chance. He taught me things that I have been able to pass along to campers, other staff members and friends. Sometimes we feel like we don't have time for ourselves because we have to use that time to "serve". I would encourage you to remember that in order to be the best example of Jesus, we have to be full of him, overflowing with his love and his presence in our life. So take the time. Find out what your "oxygen mask" is, and put it on first. Take care of yourself so you can take care of others.

Hurricane

Find the truth in these lyrics that fit specifically in your life. Tell me how it fits and what it means to you!

Hurricane Lyrics

needtobreath

In the fallout now
                    It's hard to feel like we can turn around
                    With the damage done
                    It's hard to see how far we've come
We could not be proud
Of where our feet have walked along the ground
In the silence now
We play it back and forwards again

There's a sound in our guiltiness
It's a warning bell that rings
It's a call for our loneliness
And we can't see

We roll the dice we play like fools
We plead with time to change the rules
It's like a hurricane is coming our way
We've all been warned but we still chose to stay

I can't believe it now the time has come

Play the victim here
You know it's nothing but your pride and fear
But the more you hurt
The more you love the one you were

There's a sound in our guiltiness
It's a warning bell that rings
It's a call for our loneliness
And we can't see

We roll the dice we play like fools
We plead with time to change the rules
It's like a hurricane is coming our way
We've all been warned but we still chose to stay

I can't believe it now the time has come

In the light of the morning
Can we change what we felt and heard
Can we turn it into the glory
Break the paths of our fathers before us
Though we stand on the outside
We will find what we once believed
And will crawl our way to the clear skies
Standing up we are
Standing up we are

We roll the dice we play like fools
We plead with time to change the rules
It's like a hurricane is coming our way
We've all been warned but we still chose to stay

I can't believe it now the time has come

F.R.O.G.

      Ever since about freshman year in high school I have been keeping some sort of journal. Back then, I mostly just wrote everything about my days: the events, the hardships, the exciting news, friends, boys,  and the occasional prayer. While I still like to write about things that happen during the day, as I've gotten older I find myself more writing down things that God is doing through the events of my life....a different perspective than before. Probably one of my favorite reasons for keeping a journal is the opportunity it gives me to look back on what God was doing in the past and how things always seem somehow work out. I love relearning things that God taught me at a time of trial. I had the experience of relearning one of these lessons today.

      Last spring was kind of a rough time for me. I went through a number of unfortunate events and was tested through it. All the events seemed to pile up and they left me questioning God. It seemed as though every plan I had for the future was bing shot down, changed, or taken away. During this time I was going through a devotional book that had a different verse and meditation for every day. I would write in it things that I was going through and how it applied to that days verse. Looking back, it's pretty incredible how each verse I had seemed to be the most encouraging thing for me in that moment.

I had so many fears and doubts in what God was doing..."God is taking away everything that I thought I had set for my future. My roommate, living situation, guys track team, summer job; I'm scared for my future. I'm stuck. I don't know where to go or what to do. I'm so confused!" However, it seemed as though every step of the way there was a perfect verse to encourage me. For example, Jeremiah 29:11 "'I know the plans I have for you' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" or Psalm 42:11 "Why am I discouraged? Why so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again--my Savior and my God!".

      The whole time God knew exactly what I needed. He was always there to comfort me. Even after every time I ignored him and tried to put the situation into my own hands, he was always quick to forgive and help me again. Going through the book now, it is so evident to me now just how much God had my best interest in mind. His path was, and still is, so much greater than any I could ever think of! God changed my roommate, my major, saved the boys track team, provided me with summer job, and so much more! Each one of these events proved to be so much more than I could have ever asked for.

      In the midst of everything changing, God kind of hit me over the head with a saying to try and get me to let go of my own desires. It was to F.R.O.G., Fully Rely On God. We take things into our own hands way too often; we forget that God is BIG enough to handle it...."it" being anything we are worried about! We are to live each day according to his will. Knowing his will however, isn't always an easy thing to figure out. We can't just throw everything at God then and do nothing about it. It's an active process. James 1:5 says "if you need wisdom--if you want to know what God wants you to do--ask him, and he will gladly tell you. he will not resent your asking.". In everything we do, we should be doing it because it is what the Lord has called us to do. When we start to think we have a handle on things on our own and go after our own desires, we may be fooled into thinking we're satisfied in the moment, but truth is, Gods plan is so much bigger and so much greater! We must remind ourselves daily to FULLY RELY ON GOD (emphasis on the FULLY). Keeping in mind that better may be harder, stop directing yourself, and start listening to the whispers of God. I guarantee he will take care of you.