Ever since about freshman year in high school I have been keeping some sort of journal. Back then, I mostly just wrote everything about my days: the events, the hardships, the exciting news, friends, boys, and the occasional prayer. While I still like to write about things that happen during the day, as I've gotten older I find myself more writing down things that God is doing through the events of my life....a different perspective than before. Probably one of my favorite reasons for keeping a journal is the opportunity it gives me to look back on what God was doing in the past and how things always seem somehow work out. I love relearning things that God taught me at a time of trial. I had the experience of relearning one of these lessons today.
Last spring was kind of a rough time for me. I went through a number of unfortunate events and was tested through it. All the events seemed to pile up and they left me questioning God. It seemed as though every plan I had for the future was bing shot down, changed, or taken away. During this time I was going through a devotional book that had a different verse and meditation for every day. I would write in it things that I was going through and how it applied to that days verse. Looking back, it's pretty incredible how each verse I had seemed to be the most encouraging thing for me in that moment.
I had so many fears and doubts in what God was doing..."God is taking away everything that I thought I had set for my future. My roommate, living situation, guys track team, summer job; I'm scared for my future. I'm stuck. I don't know where to go or what to do. I'm so confused!" However, it seemed as though every step of the way there was a perfect verse to encourage me. For example, Jeremiah 29:11 "'I know the plans I have for you' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.'" or Psalm 42:11 "Why am I discouraged? Why so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again--my Savior and my God!".
The whole time God knew exactly what I needed. He was always there to comfort me. Even after every time I ignored him and tried to put the situation into my own hands, he was always quick to forgive and help me again. Going through the book now, it is so evident to me now just how much God had my best interest in mind. His path was, and still is, so much greater than any I could ever think of! God changed my roommate, my major, saved the boys track team, provided me with summer job, and so much more! Each one of these events proved to be so much more than I could have ever asked for.
In the midst of everything changing, God kind of hit me over the head with a saying to try and get me to let go of my own desires. It was to F.R.O.G., Fully Rely On God. We take things into our own hands way too often; we forget that God is BIG enough to handle it...."it" being anything we are worried about! We are to live each day according to his will. Knowing his will however, isn't always an easy thing to figure out. We can't just throw everything at God then and do nothing about it. It's an active process. James 1:5 says "if you need wisdom--if you want to know what God wants you to do--ask him, and he will gladly tell you. he will not resent your asking.". In everything we do, we should be doing it because it is what the Lord has called us to do. When we start to think we have a handle on things on our own and go after our own desires, we may be fooled into thinking we're satisfied in the moment, but truth is, Gods plan is so much bigger and so much greater! We must remind ourselves daily to FULLY RELY ON GOD (emphasis on the FULLY). Keeping in mind that better may be harder, stop directing yourself, and start listening to the whispers of God. I guarantee he will take care of you.