One Thing Remains.

 A little while ago I had a friend who was going through a hard time. Some of the things he described going on in his life hit a cord; sympathy welled up in me knowing that I had been in that same place before. Sometimes we experience dark times in our lives, and in the midst of being in this darkness, it is essential that we remember the true source of Light. However, sometimes the memory of Light seems to fade, and even though we know the truth of the source in our head, our hearts can't seem to remember the warm feeling of the Light. In those times, we need to be reminded of the Light--to be turned around and pointed in the direction we forgot we were going. We need to be reminded of the truth. There is a lot that we can get distracted by. Life is full of changes in plans, reasons to celebrate, reasons to cry, people who love us and people who persecute us. In all these situations, only one thing remains: the Way, the Truth, and the Life...that is, God himself. 

I wanted to share some truths I was able to share with my friend. A few things to hang onto in the times of distraction and darkness.

____

My heart has been so heavy for you after you told me some of the things that you've been going through and feeling lately. Not in a way that overwhelms me or is too burdensome, but probably more because my heart has known some of the same struggles you mentioned, and has known them deeply. But I wanted to offer you some encouragement, and do that by pointing out some of the things that I have seen to be true.
 
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Feeling lonely is one of the worst feelings....I truly believe that the lie of us being alone is one of the number one tools that Satan uses. He wants us to feel alone, that way we become more susceptible for even more lies he has ready to launch at us when we are at our weakest. This time of year that lie is especially being thrown in your face, even without other factors to add into it. But this is what I do know to be true....you are far from alone.
You. Are. Not. Alone.
There are people at work who you are around everyday, who appreciate you so much, but just don't always remember to tell you. There are other YL leaders who have become like a family, and may seem busy, but would be there for you at the drop of a hat if you let them know. There are high school students whose lives have been changed simply because you invited them into yours. You allowed them to be a part of who you are, and have covered them in love through all the efforts you put into that ministry every single day.
And of course, there's the cliche, but all too true matter of fact that you're not alone because you know Jesus Christ. Who you can't hide from no matter what you do.
 
Psalms 139:7-10
Where shall I go from your spirit? Or where shall I flee from your presence? If I ascend to heaven you are there! If I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your had will guide me, your right had will hold me fast. If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will not be dark to you;the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.
 
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I know that you feel tired--warn down, exhausted, and over-worked. But here is what I do know to be true. There is no better time for God's strength to be witnessed than the time when we feel completely run down. Take hope in knowing that when you find yourself in the midst of an impossible task, it may actually be right where God wants you. Because you were made to be in a desperately dependent place for Christ.

2 Cor. 12:9-11
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
 
-- 

I want you to feel encouraged, and I do feel like there is truth to those words. I know this about my own life, and where the journey has taken me in the past...when I would be over-worked, and tired, I would then get overwhelmed, which turned into anxiety, which eventually lead to a depression that was pretty hard to get out of. And when I was first experiencing this, I thought it just was something that just WAS. It was there and it sucked the life out of me, but there was a reason it was there and so it was just something I had to live with. What I have realized, however, is that there is something that can be done. I can fight to captivate my thoughts, and to identify lies and put them back in their place, and to remain in what I know to be true. I can choose to see what I should praise, and what I can be thankful for. And these things really, really helped me.

--
 
I am praying for you. For your heavy heart, and the darkness that is weighing it town. Praying that you could see the truth more clearly--even through the heaviness. Praying for peace, and for the loneliness to fade away.

You have something that I have seen other people strive for and desire, but haven't quite experienced yet--and it's a true, authentic, conviction and relationship with Jesus. It is more obvious, and inspiring than I think you even know and I am thankful that I have been able to see bits of this!

_____


Life is full of changes in plans, reasons to celebrate, reasons to cry, people who love us and people who persecute us. 
In all these situations, only one thing remains: 
the Way, the Truth, and the Life...that is, God himself. 

Joy to the World!

A few years back, I had an assignment to write an exegetical paper from a passage in Luke. Seeing as it is appropriate for this time of year, the time when we remember and celebrate Jesus coming to earth, being born as a child, I thought I would share it. I will admit, it is a bit dry, but hopefully there is something that you can learn from it.
 

Luke 2:8-12
8 That night , there were some shepherds staying  in the field nearby, watching  over their flocks 9 when unexpectedly, an angel of the Lord  stood among them. The radiant  glory of God beamed all around them and they were filled with fear . 10 But the angel comforted  them saying “Don’t be afraid. I am here to deliver  a message full of good news and great joy to all people, everywhere !  11 On this very day, in the city of David, a Savior has been born; a Savior who is the Messiah, Christ the Lord . 12 When you look for him , look for a baby wrapped in cloth and resting  in a manger.”


Exegetical Issues
    This passage is a periscope from within a larger context of the birth story of Jesus. We pick up in the story after already knowing that Jesus is born, but now getting a glimpse into how the rest of the world discovers the birth of the Savior. The news is first brought to the shepherds staying in a nearby field. This is consistent with the theme in Luke of bringing up the lowly and focusing on poverty. I focused on the initial interaction between the angel of the Lord and the shepherds in the field.
    There are several manuscripts which say “behold” before the angel of the Lord, however most important manuscripts omit this . Either way, it doesn’t change much other than emphasizing more excitement within this verse. The only other text critical issue could be seen in verse 11, saying “Christ the Lord” instead of “Lord Christ,” though this is also not seen as anything significant. There is also no significant text variance in this passage.

Verse-By-Verse Interpretation
    “8 That night, there were some shepherds staying in the field nearby, watching over their flocks”

    Pointing out that the shepherds were near or in the same region as where Jesus was born points out a circumstantial link between the shepherds and the birth scene . There are several connections to David through this location and profession, (which I will get to later in this section). Living in the field, or “out of doors” was frequently linked to the life of a shepherd; they were known to spend their life in the open air . Watching was kept by turns, so that only one shepherd needed to be awake at a time. The night setting prepares the scene for the spectacular illumination, one of the many juxtapositions displayed in this passage. It also affirms both the unexpected event and the dark predicament of the people of Israel . This watching at night was a natural nightly activity of the shepherds.
    Israel understood themselves as a nation of shepherds compared to their neighbors who are either settled farmers or city dweller . Because of this, the image they used for their God and their king or Messiah was the image of a shepherd. The shepherding occupation held a low place in society. They were classified as thieves and were outcasts, not allowed into the city for they were not trusted by the general public . Shepherds were seen as shiftless, dishonest people who let their flocks graze on others lands . It is important to note that the Angel of the Lord is announcing the birth to the shepherds, rather than to the parents; this gives a double meaning to the shepherds being “outsiders.” They are not only low in regard to society, but they are also outside the circle of Jesus’ family of origin, “This portends the considerable ramifications of this birth, which cannot be conceived as a family affair, and may also anticipate the redefinition of “family” in Jesus’ ministry .”
    There is significant context that we can draw from knowing a little about the shepherds. “The implication of Luke’s story is that Jesus was born at a time when sheep could still be kept in the field—sometime between April and November .” It is interesting that we celebrate the birth of Jesus on December 25th, but it didn’t actually start that way. In the third century A.D. some parts of the church celebrated January 6 as the birthday of Jesus. It wasn’t until the fourth century that the date was displaced by December 25 (it was the date of the winter solstice according to the Julian calendar).
It is fascinating how the reference to shepherds sparks a positive, pastoral image in modern time after hearing how negative their occupation was.  This could be because of the association with the line of David, in the first century.
    Before David became King, he was a shepherd, keeping his sheep, “Samuel said to Jesse, ‘Are all your sons here?’ And he said, ‘There remains yet the youngest, but he is keeping the sheep.’” (1 Samuel 16:11). David’s origins remained in Bethlehem, “but David went back and forth from Saul to feed his father’s sheep at Bethlehem.” (1 Samuel 17:15). The very pastures that the angels visited were the same ones that David spent his youth and fought the lion and the bear . God called him away from an occupation of shepherding sheep to become a “shepherd” over the nation of Israel, “Thus says the LORD of hosts: I took you from the pasture, from following the sheep to be prince over my people Israel” (2 Samuel 7:8). There is often a symbolization used with shepherds to show all who care for God’s people .
    During the time of David’s rule, there was a great longing of Israel for the restoration of the glory. The people hoped for a king who once more should set Israel free. David did much more than just rule the people; he represented the immortal grandeur of the heart of humanity seeking after God . The birth of Jesus represents a new richness of significance as we link it with the long, long needs and yearnings of the centuries that have gone.
    In just one verse, Luke is able to pack in context; developing further Jesus’ connection with David and Bethlehem, and, second, graphically picturing Jesus as one sent to the lowly and outcast.


“9 when unexpectedly, an angel of the Lord stood among them. The radiant glory of God beamed all around them and they were filled with fear.”

    The word used to say “to come up and stand by” seems to by a favorite Lukan word, used of the arrival of supernatural persons . Due to the fact that the angel who came to visit is referred to as “an Angel of the Lord,” probably indicates that he be equated with Gabriel. Gabriel also appeared to Zechariah  and again to Mary . They were both greeted in the same way . Accompanied with the appearance of the Angel, there is a dazzling display of the glory of the Lord which illuminates the entire area around the shepherds. The word that is used here literally means “to shine around.”   This specific word is only used one other time in the NT at Acts 26:13, “At midday, O king, I saw on the way a light from heaven, brighter than the sun, that shone around me and those who journeyed with me.” The illumination and bright lights are a sign of being in the presence of heavenly beings. It is here that we find a beautiful juxtaposition of night and light.
    The definition of glory is “the splendor associated with God’s perceptible presence , or a luminous quality, frequently a divine attribute”  or “the majesty and splendor accompanying God’s presence .” There are examples of this all over the OT, but some references include Exodus 16:7, 10; 24:17; 40:34; Ps 63:3; Isa 60:1; etc.
It is interesting to point out that the glory of God is seen not around the manger, but around the angels. What does this mean? It is not history, but the Word of God that has splendor. As Bovon said, “Only the Word of the Lord, which cannot be taken captive, can shine forth as theologia gloriae.” From the moment Jesus is born, we are directed towards the story of the cross. The crescendo of the “glory of the Lord” plays up the eschatological relevance of the present happening.
The fear of God in the presence of all his glory can only be great, but Luke leaves no room to doubt that the shepherds were completely filled with it. Fear is a standard reaction to having a divine encounter. There are many people in the Bible who were confronted by God through his angels and their responses all consistently included fear. We find stories of these encounters with Abraham, Moses, Joshua, Jeremiah, Daniel, Zechariah, Mary, Shepherds, Peter, Paul and John.
There are also plenty of times throughout the ministry of Jesus that he has to reassure the person he is with to not be afraid. Even his disciples had this kind of fear and needed Jesus’ assurance; for instance, they were all terrified at the transfiguration of Jesus , as well as when they were at sea and saw Jesus walking towards them .
The definition of the kind of fear used in this passage (phobeo, phobos) is “to tremble or to quake. ” In the OT, fear was often also referred to as a reverence, or to hold in respect.


“10 But the angel comforted them saying “Don’t be afraid. I am here to deliver a message full of good news and great joy to all people, everywhere!”

The response to an interaction with an angel is consistently fear, but the response of God is also consistent: do not be afraid. As soon as they sense God’s desire to communicate with them, the fear subsides. The angelic messenger deals with the fear by assuring the shepherds that God’s intentions are gracious. He also validates the encouragement of telling the shepherds not to be afraid by the content of the message that he brings; they went from being filled with fear, to being filled with joy. This is yet another beautiful juxtaposition held within this passage, “The darkness is showered with brilliance as the people who wait in darkness see a great light (Isa. 9:2). The contrast between the humble setting of the birth and the glory of the angelic announcement could hardly be more dramatic. ”
The joy that is enclosed in this message is so extensive that it banishes all fear. The “great joy” is in order because of the “good news.” Of course, as Bovon states, “’joy’ should be understood metonymically. The good news for all the people is the birth of the son, not the shepherd’s joy.” The verb that is used to “announce good news” is the same verb used for the proclamation of the gospel, and the effects of this good news will be joy for all people. Luke uses this verb for describing the gospel message throughout the book of Acts . Joy and celebration were a sure reaction for the news comprised of everything which the Jews had been hoping and waiting for—a Savior! Soon the good news would bring great joy to people across the entire globe.    
At first, “all people” was meant just for the people of Israel (the word here, laos, referred to Israelites, not to people in general ). It is quite possible that Luke’s desire when describing the angel’s announcement was to emphasize the universalism of the gospel.

“11 On this very day, in the city of David, a Savior has been born; a Savior who is the Messiah, Christ the Lord.”

    Luke uses the verb for “on this very day,” or “today,” several times throughout the book , often using it to mean the beginning of the time of messianic salvation. It is both a fulfillment of the prophecy and its present relevance, meaning that if we know God in our lives today, we should hear his voice; salvation is in our sight. 
    It is here that for the first and only time in Luke, the word “savior” is used of Jesus . Jesus is referred to as Savior one other time in the Gospels, by the Samaritan who came to believe in Jesus . The combination of the title “Messiah, Lord” is nowhere else in the NT, and the precise meaning is unknown . The name “savior” was often use for the Greeks and Romans to refer to their gods as well as to great military or political leaders. For example, Julius Caesar was called “savior.” Now, the role of Savior as Lord, one who helps or delivers his people, has been transferred to Jesus .
    The title “Christ the Lord” is not found anywhere else in the NT . In Greek, The word for Christ means “Anointed One.” To be anointed meant to be set apart for some special purpose, for example, Moses anointed Aaron and his sons as the first priests of Israel . Lord could also be used of the Roman emperor (and was used of Augustus), but in this case refers to deity; proclaiming that this child was “Lord” meant that God had arrived in human form, he was the one for whom all Israel was waiting.


“12 When you look for him, look for a baby wrapped in cloth and resting in a manger.”

    We see in this verse once again Luke focusing on the theme of poverty. We see the Savior, Messiah, Christ the Lord who is the source and meaning of all life reveal himself in the form of a little child, coming unnoticed into an unknown town. Not even the shepherds had heard of the place where Jesus was born, but they were to go looking for him. The sign given to them by the Angel would not only lead them to find the Child, but it would also attest to the truth of the Angel’s words to the very last detail. It was in simplicity and lowliness that Jesus’ life began, and it was through the simple and low people and places that most of his work would be done.


Significance for Theology and Preaching
There are no similar passages in any of the synoptic Gospels. One interesting thing I did find, however, was that the phrase used to describe the fear the shepherds felt when the Angel of the Lord appeared is the same exact phrase used in Mark 4:41 when the disciples saw Jesus walking on the water (they feared a mega fear). While none of the other Gospels contained this story, it remains through the entirety of Luke of the first shall be last and bringing up the lowly. This passage is a beautiful representation of how the Lord of all set the example with His life, starting his mission from the moment He was born.
This passage is the start of Jesus’ incarnational life. From the very beginning, He came to and for those who are considered lowly in this life. This was showed in a couple of different ways throughout the passage, including being born and placed in a manger, and having shepherds be the first to know of his birth (besides Mary and Joseph). Jesus was not born unto Herod, in his palace at Jerusalem, or to Augustus Caesar, on his throne in mighty Rome, and certainly not to chief priests and scribes. No, Jesus was born unto the humble, the lowly, to the expectant hearts; this is the redeeming message. Jesus reveals through his birth, and through the rest of his life that the message is not only that there is a God, but that God comes very near; “To believe that God is a strength sufficient for us is another and still more inspiring confidence. But to believe that God is not only almighty, that he is not only all-sufficient, but that he is God with us, God near, the understanding and the intimate—that is best of all. ”   


Works Cited
"Phobeo, Phobos" TDNT Vol. IX Pg 189; 198-204; 208-211; 212-217.
1, Luke. Luke 1. Minneapolis: Augsburg Fortress, 2002.
Barton, Bruce B., Dave Veerman, and Linda K. Taylor. Life Application Bible Commentary. Wheaton: Tyndale House Publishers, 1997.
Bock, Darrell L. The NIV Application Commentary. Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1996.
Bovon, Francois. Luke 1. Minneapolis: Augsburg Fortress, 2002.
Bowie, Walter Russell, Paul Scherer, John Knox, and Samuel Terrien. The Interpreter's Bible. New York & Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1952.
Evans, Craig A. New International Biblical Commentary. Grand Rapids: Baker Publishing Group, 1990.
Green, Joel B. The New International Commentary. Grand Rapids: William B. Eerdmans Publishing Company, 1997.
Keck, Leander E. The New Interpreter's Bible. Nashville: Abingdon Press, 1995.
Neale, David A. Luke 1-9. Kansas City: Beacon Hill Press, 2011.
Nolland, John. Word Biblical Commentary. Dallas: Word Books, 1993.
Plummer, Alfred. The International Critical Commentary. New York: Charles Scribner's Sons, 1914.
Smith, Jonathan Z., and William Scott Green. The HarperCollins Dictionary of Religion. San Francisco: HarperCollins, 1995.
Washington, Harold C. "Fear" ABD. Nashville: Abingdon Press, 2007.

Post Camp Reflection

For me, camp is a magical place. It’s a place where expectations are left at home, walls come down, you let loose and you become more yourself than you’ve ever felt. People always describe a camp high feeling that you get after leaving camp, this feeling that is you to the absolute maximum capacity. I am convinced that this feeling is fulfilled by an encounter of us coming to terms with exactly who God created us to be—fully alive. Think about every activity you engage in at camp. In most cases, you are completely present; the biggest distraction may be a curiosity about what’s on the lunch menu or if the boy from the Broken Arrow cabin did a double take in your direction. But even then, these are slight in comparison to the distractions we face on a daily basis in the “real world.” Camp provides you with the opportunity to take a break from whatever you may have come from back home, and just be focused on one thing, and one thing only, and that is being fully alive. Granted, there is no way for us to be fully alive if it were not for the presence of the Lord, giver of life itself. But that’s exactly where the magic of camp happens, what a beautiful thing!

This past week has provided for me once again to be a part of that magic. Being behind the scenes and on the Young Life team in the Czech Republic gets me all jazzed on life and camp and youth ministries all over again! I may sound like a broken record, but I just feel so blessed to have been able to have the opportunity to come and be a part of what the Lord is doing over here. I cannot tell you how much hope I am filled with when even though I am in one of the most self-proclaimed atheist counties in the world, the kids that come to camp being no exception, by the end of the week hearing story after story from leaders of how hearts are being opened, and how kids felt something that they simply couldn’t describe. Our God is bigger than following rules of 20 minutes of silence, and he is bigger than the title of an atheist. In fact, he is WAY bigger.

At the end of the week, after the gospel message was presented, and after 20 minutes of silence, summer staff and work crew gathered on stage to sing and welcome kids back into the club room. As all of us sat on stage singing worship songs for the camp of 109 students, I have never felt the Holy Spirit more present. Kids who tried to deny all week, were finally breaking down to a point of finally allowing themselves to feel. 

As these Czech kids trickled into the room, singing and filling the room with words of praise there was such a feeling of hope inside of me I couldn’t help but smile as I kept singing and looking at all the faces around the room. It was an honest and beautiful holy moment that I will never forget.

I don’t think there is any way for my experience in Prague to have been any better. God has been opening my eyes and my heart to new places and new people. We left Prague on a train today, and as sappy and cheesy as this sounds, as I looked out over the beautiful scenery, I honestly felt my heart growing more and more attached to this country. It’s too early to tell when exactly now, but I do know that I will be back. That’s for sure. 

More Than A Feel Good God.

All around me I am seeing Christianity being advertised as something that will make you feel better. God has become someone that exists to take away our problems and turn our lives into a fairy tale with a happy ending. Christianity is being taught as a social lubricant--it is a nice thing, and people feel good when they do nice things. But with this, we find that yeah sure, not a lot of people are opposed to Christianity, but at the same time there are not many people who are strongly devoted either. In order to make it more appealing, the church is offering a Christianity that is watered down, and it is turning into nothing more than Moralistic Therapeutic Deism.

Now, as I keep reflecting on the past few years, I see that there have been quite a few struggles that I have encountered. I got to thinking that if I believed in a God that existed to make my life better and easier, then after going through the things I have recently, I should have no faith left. A feel good God hasn’t been doing a very good job at making my life feel super good all the time.

Thank GOD, that is not the God that is omnipotent. While it may seem backwards, the God I worship actually calls me into suffering. There are things in this world that are not good, but He has already suffered them, and still remained good. And through my trials, I am confident that He is good no matter which way my life turns.

Last week I got to witness a miracle. My friend, and teammate noticed that she her lymph nodes were swollen. She had me feel them while we were warming up for our 4x1 relay. We thought it was weird that they were so big, and yet she didn’t feel sick at all. We laughed at the possibility of her slowly turning into a dinosaur, and then dismissed it as we prepared for our race. A couple of days later, she ended up going to the hospital due to the nodes increasing in size. She was quickly emitted and referred to an oncologist to biopsy the growths. They put her under as they removed the node completely to send it to the labs, however, the oncologist, seeing similar cases every day, gave her the odds. There was a 92% chance that it was cancer. He was so sure it was some form of lymphoma, he started to discuss with her and her family about how she would need to start chemo treatment as soon as possible. Additionally, because chemo was so aggressive, it would in turn make her sterile, so she needed to start thinking about if she wanted to harvest her eggs in the hopes of having a child of her own one day. As you can imagine, this was a lot to take in. It seemed as though her whole life as she knew it was going to change.

The next day, the oncologist came running to her room. The results were in, and to the shock of everyone, they did not include cancer! Instead, she had a rare disease that is usually only found in young Asian women called Kikuchi-Fujimoto (…she is far from Asian, making it even more rare). Not only was it great news that she didn’t have cancer, but Kikuchi-Fujimoto is a disease that doesn’t even need treatment, her body would naturally take care of it and the swollen nodes would simply dissipate in time. Praise Jesus for His healing and for His mercy! This was a time to celebrate!

               

A couple of days later we had a track meet out in San Marcos. As I was in the midst of my normal warm-up routine, I noticed one of the girls on my team just kinda zoning out. I went up to her and asked how she was doing. Immediately her eyes started to well up, “track wise, or life wise?” she asked. “Both.” “Well. I’m not feelin so good about this race. And well, this week has been rough.” Her eyes started to water even more. Just a few months prior, her mother passed away after a long battle against MS. “I mean, of course I’m thrilled that Jenn is healed. And I hate that I feel this way, but I can’t help but feel some jealousy. It’s great that Jenn doesn’t have cancer, but why did she get healed and my mom didn’t? For all the people praying for my mom, and the people depending on her, and for what a beautiful, wonderful heart she had for the Lord, why did she have to die? Why? What makes the situations different? I don’t get why she couldn’t get healed.”

At this point I found myself wiping my eyes as well. I had no words to give her, so we just stood there and cried for a little while. It was a beautiful moment of simply being present. And while I think that these moments are very needed, it still bothered me that even after I couldn’t come up with a solid answer to that very loaded “why” question. So I started doing some searching.

The Word is the place where the Lord reveals himself, so I started there.

We find honesty in scripture. In Acts, James dies, but Peter is released from prison. Why? Sometimes healing comes now, and sometimes healing comes at the resurrection.

John the Baptist sends to ask if Jesus is the one that is to come, or if they should be waiting for someone else. Being in jail, what John wants to hear is that the captives are set free, yet that is not the message he hears in return. Instead, he hears “blessed is anyone who does not stumble on account of me.” (Luke 7:23) In other words, blessed are those that don’t stumble just because they do not understand what Jesus is doing. But trust enough to not try and take things into their own hands. John wants to hear that the captives are set free, but what he needs to hear is that the dead are raised!

What it comes down to isn’t an answer that we ever really like to hear. There is no one way of addressing the why of things we don’t understand happening.

Except to trust.

Trust that the God we believe in is a good God, even when our circumstances are anything BUT good. Trust that while we may be broken now, we will be healed and will get to experience the resurrection. Our hope and our trust is not in what is seen, but in what is unseen. 

Reflection of Ministry

From spring semester of junior year at PLNU, I reflected on my ministry, particularly with Younglife:

This semester as an intern for Younglife has been a continued lesson of being humbled. God has been showing me how little I actually know, but in the midst of that how I can still be used in this state just simply by being present. Through various classes this semester, books I’ve read, and the events life has thrown at me, I have learned an incredible amount about what it means to have an enduring resilience when it feels like the whole world wants me to fail.

My views of what ministry is have changed somewhat dramatically over the course of just a few months. My previous ideas of ministry have grown and have been added on to, while I have also gained new perspectives. Before, ministry to me was an organization; while this can be true, it is not limited to that. I have learned how I can apply myself in the most impactful way to an organized ministry, and I have also learned the beauty of being a “walking” ministry.

Being part of Younglife has given me a deeper sense of the endurance needed in ministry. There is a serious delay of gratification that comes along with it, especially when you are just starting out. Even though I grew up in Younglife, coming back as a leader and trying to hang out with big crowds of high schooler’s was very intimidating for me. It took longer than I wanted for me to start feeling comfortable and for me to form the relationships that I wanted with the high school students. I have learned that sometimes, feeling uncomfortable, tired, and annoying doesn’t mean that I’m in the wrong place or doing the wrong thing, but is actually part of the job description. I have learned that more times than not, I don’t feel like going or being involved, and could come up with one hundred excuses not to; but I have also learned that there isn’t a single time I have regretted my decision to go anyways. Through my participation in Younglife I have created a community with high schoolers as well as fellow leaders, and with community, comes passion.

 Community has always been my passion, but being a part of Younglife has helped me to define the details of what that looks like. A rich community is the result of intentionality. There is something to be said for pursuing each relationship and making it a point to create an environment where everyone feels welcome, wanted, and like they can be themselves. Younglife has shown me the importance of this intentionality and the hard work it takes. For example, texting high school girls every day, or meeting them before school—these are not my first choice activities to do, but without them the relationship between me and them would not exist. There is also a certain sense of accountability that is applied when you start to be more intentional. I have found how I am an example and a leader in every facet of life, and not just from one aspect of it. This is where living incarnationally really comes into play. I want my whole life to be an example of how to live a Christ centered life, not just bits and pieces of it. The people I’m leading shouldn’t have to rely on me to have the right words; to the best of my ability as a flawed human, I should be a walking example

I have learned how my gifting’s of hospitality, encouragement and helps all work together to brew up my passion for community. Knowing my own gifts, passions and strengths better has helped me to see ministry outside the organization. There is something so much bigger going on than just doing a nice thing for someone else, or “paying it forward”. When I am doing something that is JUST for someone else, I see myself get warn down after a short time. But I have learned to change my perspective; I am not in a ministry of doing nice things for other people, but rather a ministry of serving Jesus, Lord of all. There are times when I am doing something nice for someone else, but instead of having a loving heart about it, I catch myself holding a grudge inside, as if I am keeping tabs in a sense of all the good things that I do compared to others. This is the point at which doing nice things becomes draining. However, I have been learning to change that entire mindset. For example, I do not do my roommates dishes because she deserves for me to be doing them, but because it is a way in which I can be serving God. That is the point of which doing dishes goes from a seemingly big hassle, to instead the very simplest way I can glorify God. My perspective changed drastically when I compared doing dishes for someone else as a nice act, and Jesus innocently dying of the cross for me as His nice act. This comparison can almost be laughed at it is so absurd! This new perspective has enriched so many of my relationships and has even helped me to become a much more joyful person.

Throughout this semester my relationships have been a key factor in helping me to get though some particularly hard times. It has been interesting and humbling for me to see the two very different sides of relationships. On one hand, I have been very broken, and in low places where I have needed people to come and see me at my lowest in order to help me get back up. On the other hand, I have become a leader to girls who look up to me. The people that I surround myself on a daily basis have an incredible influence on me, and I am so blessed to have women of faith who can encourage me in my life.

Throughout this internship, I have come to learn that you can expect almost nothing in terms of what the journey of ministry will look like. We may have ideas, and thoughts, and goals for places we want to go, and more often than not God will step up and redirect our plans, reminding us that our view of where we are going is almost blind compared to what God can see as the bigger picture. God is outside of time and is really good at looking past what we can get stuck in seeing. In reading Henri Nouwen’s books, I have learned how our ministry really isn’t an act. Sometimes we can see ourselves as up on a tight rope, performing an act for everyone and expected to be applauded and praised when we get to the other side without falling. Get down. This isn’t about you. Why should I be expecting so much praise for myself? What I am but a mere instrument in God’s glorious master plan?! I have experienced so much grace from the people who surround me in ministry. Learning that I am going to fail sometimes, but that doesn’t make me a complete disappointment. There have been many times when I haven’t been able live up to my own expectations, and in turn I become very hard on myself, but I have been so blessed to be surrounded my people who remind me that it’s OKAY, and that I am still doing a good job simply because of how much I love. This has been vital, as sometimes I feel so inadequate that I want to quit, but the encouragement from those around me reminds me of the grace I receive every day. We are all “inadequate” in some way, but God still chooses to give us jobs that He trusts us with. I feel so blessed to be surrounded by the people I am in ministry with, and how my relationship with those people has grown exponentially since joining Younglife.

As I look back in reflection over this past semester and the ministry I have been involved in, it is very apparent to me how much growth occurred. I feel like I have gotten to know myself so much better, and along with that I have been able to apply myself places where I can be most impactful. I am able to feel so much more joy than I feel like I ever have before; I have also gained a new perspective on ministry, community, relationships, myself, and life in general. While I would never choose to go through the journey I have been on this past semester again, I am so, so grateful that I have experienced what I have. The future in ministry is one I can honestly picture myself in, and is one that I feel I am being prepared for every day. I feel better equipped than I ever have, and that makes me excited for the future, but I also know that I have so much to learn. I want to continue to learn, but not let the knowledge of what I learn get in the way of the relationships that develop out of a real open heart passion.

It's a Younglife Thing

            After car-washes, rummage sales, flocking, and hounding everyone I knew for financial support, we finally made it to Younglife camp. I learned so much, and had the most amazing time building relationships with the high schoolers and fellow leaders. I would love to share some of my experience...

This year we went to Lost Canyon Younglife camp which is located in the high elevation of Williams, Arizona. After a 7 hour bus ride, we emerged from the trees and into an oasis which made the kids eyes go wide! We were greeted by music, summer staff cruising down the zip-line into the huge lake, people flying off the blob high into the air before splashing in the water, and two grown men dressed up like they were cowboys from the wild west. From the moment we stepped off the bus, we knew we were in for the week of a lifetime.

The list of our activities is a long one; there is rarely a still moment at camp, but none of us would have it any other way! On a regular basis there was the option to go on the zip line, launch off the blob, go down two different water slides, go on a 100 foot swing, rock climb, play Frisbee golf and other field games including soccer and football, play basketball (on the inside or outdoor court), cool off with an ice cream treat, create jewelry from what seemed like an endless supply of beads, and that’s just to name a few! We also had assigned days to go horseback riding, mountain biking, and make our way through a ropes course 70 feet in the air. The activities provided endless fun, as well has valuable life lessons as the girls accomplished things they never thought they could.

My cabin had 5 high school girls in it. The typical schedule for Younglife camp includes a camp speaker followed by what’s called “cabin-time”, or just a time to all get on the same level in your cabin, eat yummy snacks, and talk about what the speaker had just gone over. Usually, the first night is pretty surface level, progressively getting deeper and more vulnerable as the week goes on. However, in the case of our cabin, the girls opened up right off the bat on the first night, proving just how bad they needed someone to listen.

I have had a lot of experience with Younglife as I have grown up with it in Wilsonville…but let me tell you, leading in San Diego is a whole different ballpark than leading in the small suburb I was in.  I was in awe as I sat and listened to how much each of these girls had gone through already in their lives. It brought me to tears listening to the hurt and pain that they had endured in their lives at only 16. Not one of them came from a family in which their parents were still married; one girl met her dad for the first time earlier in the year, and broke down talking about how poorly her time with him had gone and how unloved she felt. One girl didn’t have a home to go back to as they had just been evicted right before she left for camp. One girl wept as she described the horrible rumors that were flying around the school directed at her. One girl talked about how she felt more at home when she went to school than when she went to her house (and considering their school, that’s saying a lot). One girl confessed to having an abortion. I could go on and on about the painful confessions but needless to say, these girls needed this week away from home and all their pain and had definitely come to the right place.

As the week went on, we (me and the other leaders) continued to develop close relationships with these girls. The truth and the love of God were starting to penetrate into their hearts. The further into the week we got, the more questions they would ask. There was a longing desperately crying out from a void in their heart they had been living with this whole time. They were so curious about the bible and about Jesus and all the stories—it was amazing to watch their curiosity! There was one night when two of the girls stayed up until 4am reading the bible in the bathroom. They woke up excited the next morning to tell us about Abraham and what he did in the Old Testament. Their longing for the Lord was apparent, and by the end of the week, they were excited and eager to accept Christ into their hearts and start living a life for Him.

On the night of the last cabin time, we snuck off into the darkness of camp to a secluded area, the stars brighter than any of these city kids had ever seen. We sat in a circle and after repeating the words I provided them with, 4 of the 5 girls accepted Christ into their hearts to rule their lives. They confessed their sins and acknowledged that they believed He died and rose again three days later. After they each had their turn saying the pray themselves, I explained how all the multitudes of angels were having a party in their honor, welcoming them into the family! We all sat there and wept, overcome with the love that we felt surrounded by. It was by far, one of the most beautiful and powerful moments I have ever experienced.

The one girl that chose to wait a little longer to accept Christ into her life has a very large seed planted in her. She was given a bible, the first she ever owned, and has since been digging through it. We have been reading through Matthew together, and it is amazing being able to answer some questions for her.

I have been so humbled. Sometimes being called a “leader” gives off the impression that we will be doing the teaching. But over and over again I have found that I learn way more from the girls I lead than I ever expected. I went into camp with a lot of insecurities, and left feeling strong and empowered. I have been so blessed by this incredible opportunity that I had the honor of being a part of. How amazing and how BIG is our God, eh?!

             

Psalm 95:2—Let us come into His presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to Him with songs of praise.

Humbled by Obedience

I have been a christian my whole life. I have prayed. I have read the bible. I have been in fellowship. I have gone to church. But I've never felt the Holy Spirit in me as much as I did last week. It woke me up, it gave me a clear image and told me to pray. It told me to be obedient. It commanded it! The following letter is a result of this. It was written to a man named Bob Goff. This man does incredible work for the kingdom. 

A little bit of background on Bob:

Bob is the Founder and Chief Executive Officer of Restore International, a non-profit organization which was established to address the atrocities and injustices committed against children. With a passion and vision for finding audacious ways to restore justice to children and the poorest of the poor, Restore’s mission is to make a difference on behalf of those who do not otherwise have a voice.
With a team of dedicated people, Restore International has pursued justice for the needy. They have worked with Uganda’s judiciary in bringing to trial over 200 cases, including cases involving children who were languishing in jail without trial. In 2007, the Restore Academy was started.  It is a school in the war-torn region of Gulu, with a current enrollment of 220 students. (Bio taken from http://bobgoff.com/?page_id=2)
Recently, he has been helping to prosecute the witch doctor that attacked a little boy named Randolph. Randolph is an 8 year old Ugandan boy who recently had his genitalia cut off by a local witch doctor and was left to die in a field. What Bob and the judge who prosecuted the witch doctor are doing is making sure word is out that if they do anything of the sort again they will go to prison for life or get the death penalty.

Now, listen to this work of the Holy Spirit.

Good morning!
This is a little bit of a strange message. I don't think I've ever actually met you in person, but I know who you are, and some of the things you do over in Uganda with the youth. Something kind of strange happened to me this morning.

About an hour ago I just woke up. (Keep in mind, this NEVER happens to me. I don't "just wake up". I'm the girl who has to set about 6 alarms on my phone and have my roommate shake me just so I don't sleep through my classes. But even beyond that I was up late last night studying for a wold civ exam that I have today--needless to say, it was strange). I was laying in my bed and I just really felt God telling me to pray. Pray hard. Pray specifically for a young man who is in Uganda who you have been helping.There was a heavy burden that was put on my heart for this young man. As I was praying, I also really felt him saying "Kelsey, open my word". So, I started reading my bible. There were a few verses that particularly stuck out to me.

Psalm 18. Even those that love God, who call him Rock, and Fortress and Deliverer go through strong periods of struggle. It talks about the cords of death entangling, and death being right in front. God gets mad, but he then reaches down from on high and takes hold. He rescues from the powerful enemy!

I didn't really want to tell you this because I don't know you and was scared of the possibility that you had no idea what I was talking about and I would just look like a fool. But the next thing I read was this:

Proverbs 15:23 "a man finds joy in giving an apt reply--and how good is a timely word!"

SO...I don't even really know how to conclude. I guess just know and be blessed that there is an army behind you. People who you don't even know who are praying for you and for everyone you encounter and help. And as for the young man in Uganda, if anyone specifically come to mind, it would be cool to know who I am praying for. If not, I will just continue to pray for those who feel like they are cinched in Hell's ropes, with a noose tight around there neck, the devil's water washing over them. Pray that they would know Jesus can save them. That He will catch them and save them and put their life back together because He loves them so, so much.

Thanks fro your time,
have a wonderfully blessed day!

In His name,
Kelsey Starr

Hello Kelsey,
Thanks for your note. It'll blow your mind if I tell you what I will, but here goes. You wrote your note and I got it after meeting with the witchdoctor I got a life sentence against at trial who is now in the maximum security prison here in Uganda. It's a pretty scary place and I wondered what this guy would say to the guy who put him away for life for taking the body parts of the little boy.
Something amazing happened though Kelsey. I went there to tell him that God forgives him and still wants him to be part of His family. Kelsey, this witchdoctor who is serving a life sentence now has a new life, as He asked Jesus to forgiven Him and to start over....
Thanks for the prayers, friend. In the morning, meeting with 30 other witchdoctors to pick a fight, then leaving with the little boy tomorrow night.
Bob

How glorious is our God that he would bless me by showing me the powerful affects of prayer, and being obedient! I have learned something so valuable in my heart. I have been humbled and have seen the work that our mighty God can do even through someone as simple as me. Let this be an inspiration. To be obedient, even when you think you may look like a fool. God is much bigger than the fools. Let Him work through you. Will you let Him do that?